We need= I must
It's your decision= The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want= You'll pay for this later
We need to talk= I need to complain
Sure....Go ahead= I don't want you to
I'm not upset= Of course I'm upset, you Moron!
You're so manly= You need a shave and you sweat a lot
This kitchen is very inconvenient= I want a new house
I want new curtains= And carpentry, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
I need wedding shoes= The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there= No, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise= I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me?= I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me?= I did something that you're not going to like
I'll be ready a minute= Kick off your shoes, and find a good game on TV
Am I looking fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate= Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!?= [Too late, you're dead]
Yes= No
No= No
Maybe= No
I'm sorry= You'll be sorrry
Do you like this recipe= It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
Was that the baby? = Why don't u get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
I'm not yelling= Yes I'm yelling because I think it is important
All we're going to buy is a soap dish= It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
The answer to female saying "What's wrong?"...
The same old thing= Nothing
Nothing= Everything
Everything= My PMS is acting up
Nothing Really= It's just that you're such a pain in the butt
I don't want to talk about it= Go away; I'm still building my steam.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
NEVER TRY TO OUTSMART A WOMAN
WOMEN ARE SMARTER THAN MEN
Due to inherit a fortune upon the death of his sickly, widower father
Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a
Singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.
"Im just an ordinary man" he said walking up to her ;" but in just a
week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman
went home with Charles and the next day she became his stepmother!!
WOMAN'S REVENGE
"Cash, Check or Charge?" I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she stumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a telivision set in
her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied,
"but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most
legal evil thing I could do to him."
Wife Vs Husband
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not speaking a word. An
earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede
their position. As they passed a farm of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband
asked sarcastically, "Relative of yours."
"Yep," the wife replied ,"in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.....
30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we
have to repeat everything to men."
The husband then turned to his wife and asksed, "What?"
STUPID AND BEAUTIFUL
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be stupid and so
beautiful all at the same time". The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so that you would be attracted to me; God made me
stupid so that I would be attracted to you!"
THE BEAST
Husband and wife in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was losing his
temper. "Be careful," he said to his wife, "you will bring out the animal
in me." "So what?," his wife shot back, "Who's afraid of a mouse?"
WIFE'S PROMISE
There was a man who worked all his life, had saved all of his money and was
a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his
wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket
with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife promise him with all her heart than when he died, she
wouldput all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched
out in the casket; his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting
next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertaker, got
ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" she had a box
with her. She came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers
locked the casket down and rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were'nt fool enough to put all that money
in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied, "Listen, Im a christian, I can't
go back on my word. I promise him that I was going to put that money in the casket
with him!!!?"
"I sure did," said the wife, "I got it all together, put it in to my account and
wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."
Due to inherit a fortune upon the death of his sickly, widower father
Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a
Singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away.
"Im just an ordinary man" he said walking up to her ;" but in just a
week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman
went home with Charles and the next day she became his stepmother!!
WOMAN'S REVENGE
"Cash, Check or Charge?" I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she stumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a telivision set in
her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied,
"but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most
legal evil thing I could do to him."
Wife Vs Husband
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not speaking a word. An
earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede
their position. As they passed a farm of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband
asked sarcastically, "Relative of yours."
"Yep," the wife replied ,"in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.....
30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we
have to repeat everything to men."
The husband then turned to his wife and asksed, "What?"
STUPID AND BEAUTIFUL
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be stupid and so
beautiful all at the same time". The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so that you would be attracted to me; God made me
stupid so that I would be attracted to you!"
THE BEAST
Husband and wife in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was losing his
temper. "Be careful," he said to his wife, "you will bring out the animal
in me." "So what?," his wife shot back, "Who's afraid of a mouse?"
WIFE'S PROMISE
There was a man who worked all his life, had saved all of his money and was
a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his
wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket
with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife promise him with all her heart than when he died, she
wouldput all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched
out in the casket; his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting
next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertaker, got
ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" she had a box
with her. She came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers
locked the casket down and rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were'nt fool enough to put all that money
in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied, "Listen, Im a christian, I can't
go back on my word. I promise him that I was going to put that money in the casket
with him!!!?"
"I sure did," said the wife, "I got it all together, put it in to my account and
wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."
NARAYANAMOOTHY'S VIEWS ON "STAYING LATE IN THE OFFICE"
It's half past 8 in the office but the lights are on....
PCs still running, Coffee machines still buzzing....
And Who's at Work?
Most of them?? Take a closer look....
All or Most specimens are 20 something male species of the human race....
Look closer....Again all or most of them are bachelors....
And why are they sitting late? Working Hard? No Way!!!
Let's ask on of them....
Here's what he says...."What's there to do after going home....
Here we get to surf, AC, Phone, Food, Coffee....That is why Im working late....
Importantly No Bossssss!!!!
This is the scene in most research centres and software companies and other
Off-shore offices.
Bachelors "Time-Passing" during late hours in the office just because they
say they've nothing else to do....
Now what are the consequences....Read on
"Working"(For record only) late hours soon becomes part of the
institute or company culture. With bosses more than eager to provide
support to those "working" late in the form of taxi vouchers, food vouchers and
of course good feedback (Oh, He's a hard worker....goes home only to change...!!!)
They are'nt helping things too...
To hell with bosses who don't understand the difference between "Sitting" late and "Working"
late!!
Very Soon, the boss start expecting all employees to put in extra working hours..
So, my dear bachelors let me tell you, life changes when you get married and start
having a family...Office is no longer a priority, family is...and that's when the
problem starts...because you start having commitments at home too...
For your boss, the earlier "hardworking" guy suddenly seems to become an "early leaver"
even if you leave an hour after regular time....after doing the same amount of work.
People leaving on time after doing their tasks for the day are labeled as Work-Shirkers...
Girls who thankfully always (Its changing nowadays.....though) leave on time are labeled
as "not up to it". All the while the bachelors put their own backs and carry on "working"
not realizing that they are spoiling the work culture at their own place and never
realize that they would have to regret at one point of time.
* So what's the moral of the story??? *
* Very clear, LEAVE ON TIME!!!
* Never put in extra time "*UNLESS REALLY NEEDED*"
* Don't stay back unnecessarily and spoil your company work culture, which in turn
cause inconvenience to you and your colleagues.
There are hundred other things to do in the evening
LEARN MUSIC....
LEARN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE.....
TRY A SPORT...TT, CRICKET....
IMPORTANTLY GET A GIRL FRIEND OR GAL FRIEND, TAKE HIM OR HER AROUND TOWN....
AND FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE NET CAFE RATES HAVE DROPPED TO AN ALL-TIME LOW
(PLUS NO FIREWALLS) AND TRY COOKING FOR A CHANGE.
TAKE A TIP FROM THE SMIRNOFF AD *"LIFE'S CALLING WHERE ARE YOU??"*
PLEASE PASS ON THIS MESSAGE TO ALL THOSE COLLEAGUES AND PLEASE DO IT BEFORE
LEAVING TIME, DON'T SIT BACK TILL MIDNIGHT TO FORWARD THIS.
PCs still running, Coffee machines still buzzing....
And Who's at Work?
Most of them?? Take a closer look....
All or Most specimens are 20 something male species of the human race....
Look closer....Again all or most of them are bachelors....
And why are they sitting late? Working Hard? No Way!!!
Let's ask on of them....
Here's what he says...."What's there to do after going home....
Here we get to surf, AC, Phone, Food, Coffee....That is why Im working late....
Importantly No Bossssss!!!!
This is the scene in most research centres and software companies and other
Off-shore offices.
Bachelors "Time-Passing" during late hours in the office just because they
say they've nothing else to do....
Now what are the consequences....Read on
"Working"(For record only) late hours soon becomes part of the
institute or company culture. With bosses more than eager to provide
support to those "working" late in the form of taxi vouchers, food vouchers and
of course good feedback (Oh, He's a hard worker....goes home only to change...!!!)
They are'nt helping things too...
To hell with bosses who don't understand the difference between "Sitting" late and "Working"
late!!
Very Soon, the boss start expecting all employees to put in extra working hours..
So, my dear bachelors let me tell you, life changes when you get married and start
having a family...Office is no longer a priority, family is...and that's when the
problem starts...because you start having commitments at home too...
For your boss, the earlier "hardworking" guy suddenly seems to become an "early leaver"
even if you leave an hour after regular time....after doing the same amount of work.
People leaving on time after doing their tasks for the day are labeled as Work-Shirkers...
Girls who thankfully always (Its changing nowadays.....though) leave on time are labeled
as "not up to it". All the while the bachelors put their own backs and carry on "working"
not realizing that they are spoiling the work culture at their own place and never
realize that they would have to regret at one point of time.
* So what's the moral of the story??? *
* Very clear, LEAVE ON TIME!!!
* Never put in extra time "*UNLESS REALLY NEEDED*"
* Don't stay back unnecessarily and spoil your company work culture, which in turn
cause inconvenience to you and your colleagues.
There are hundred other things to do in the evening
LEARN MUSIC....
LEARN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE.....
TRY A SPORT...TT, CRICKET....
IMPORTANTLY GET A GIRL FRIEND OR GAL FRIEND, TAKE HIM OR HER AROUND TOWN....
AND FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE NET CAFE RATES HAVE DROPPED TO AN ALL-TIME LOW
(PLUS NO FIREWALLS) AND TRY COOKING FOR A CHANGE.
TAKE A TIP FROM THE SMIRNOFF AD *"LIFE'S CALLING WHERE ARE YOU??"*
PLEASE PASS ON THIS MESSAGE TO ALL THOSE COLLEAGUES AND PLEASE DO IT BEFORE
LEAVING TIME, DON'T SIT BACK TILL MIDNIGHT TO FORWARD THIS.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
SOUTH INDIAN FILM STUNT- HILARIOUS!!!!
Our hero Balakrishna and his brother were captured by the baddies and they tied Balakrishna onto a chair...Those idiots didnt know that Balakrishna cannot be stopped by a simple chair...
Here is our hero's brother...The baddies tied him up too and fixed a time-bomb across his stomach...The bomb looks more like a pack of sausage rolls..Hee Hee!!!!
Balakrishna sees some bullet shells lying on the floor...This means that the baddies had a gun...But they decided to use a time-bomb to give the 'finishing touch'...This is what i call 'Innovative Thinking'...
The shells triggered Balakrishna' s brain (if any) and suddenly he has an idea...He throws himself onto the floor and starts moving towards the bullet shells..
Now, lets hv a look at the time-bomb... The timer(presumably a pager covered in plastic) is ticking...See the weird buttons on the bomb??...The red button is the On-Off button!!...Now, this is the world's first time-bomb with such a convenient on-off button...This is what i call a 'User-friendly Time-bomb'.. .Very easy to handle...Can b used even by infants...
Coming back to our hero, he is struggling to reach the shells...Look at his __expression. ..Seems like he is desperate to use the toilet!!...
Finally, he manages to reach the shells...He picks up a shell with his mouth as if it is Peanuts.. .The viewers have no idea what the hell he is up to...Read on...
He concentrates with the shell between his teeth...Look at the sweat on his face...Gives an impression of how hard he is concentrating. ..With all his strength, he spits the bullet shell towards the bomb...
Lo and behold!!..The shell flies like a bullet through the air...Credit goes to Balakrishna here...He has the ability to make a shell work like a bullet...He can be a good asset to the Indian army...The shell reaches the time-bomb and hits exactly the red button!!...The time-bomb gets switched off!!...Balakrishna saves himself and his brother!!...
That's it friends...Balakrishna has proved that he is better than our Olympics Shooting medal winner, R.S.Rathore. ...He has even shocked Rajnikanth and Chiranjeevi who were thought to be pioneers in such things...The latest buzz is that R.S.Rathore, Rajnikanth and Chiranjeevi have started training under Balakrishna. ..Hats off to Balakrishna! !
Here is our hero's brother...The baddies tied him up too and fixed a time-bomb across his stomach...The bomb looks more like a pack of sausage rolls..Hee Hee!!!!
Balakrishna sees some bullet shells lying on the floor...This means that the baddies had a gun...But they decided to use a time-bomb to give the 'finishing touch'...This is what i call 'Innovative Thinking'...
The shells triggered Balakrishna' s brain (if any) and suddenly he has an idea...He throws himself onto the floor and starts moving towards the bullet shells..
Now, lets hv a look at the time-bomb... The timer(presumably a pager covered in plastic) is ticking...See the weird buttons on the bomb??...The red button is the On-Off button!!...Now, this is the world's first time-bomb with such a convenient on-off button...This is what i call a 'User-friendly Time-bomb'.. .Very easy to handle...Can b used even by infants...
Coming back to our hero, he is struggling to reach the shells...Look at his __expression. ..Seems like he is desperate to use the toilet!!...
Finally, he manages to reach the shells...He picks up a shell with his mouth as if it is Peanuts.. .The viewers have no idea what the hell he is up to...Read on...
He concentrates with the shell between his teeth...Look at the sweat on his face...Gives an impression of how hard he is concentrating. ..With all his strength, he spits the bullet shell towards the bomb...
Lo and behold!!..The shell flies like a bullet through the air...Credit goes to Balakrishna here...He has the ability to make a shell work like a bullet...He can be a good asset to the Indian army...The shell reaches the time-bomb and hits exactly the red button!!...The time-bomb gets switched off!!...Balakrishna saves himself and his brother!!...
That's it friends...Balakrishna has proved that he is better than our Olympics Shooting medal winner, R.S.Rathore. ...He has even shocked Rajnikanth and Chiranjeevi who were thought to be pioneers in such things...The latest buzz is that R.S.Rathore, Rajnikanth and Chiranjeevi have started training under Balakrishna. ..Hats off to Balakrishna! !
Thursday, October 12, 2006
WORLD'S MOST EXPENSIVE CARS
MAYBACH 57S
Price: $430,355 in US
Rs 5.36 crore in India
The Maybach 57 S has a 12-cylinder engine, goes from 0 to 100 in 5.2 seconds and is designed to be a sportier alternative to the other models. It has more power than the 57 or 62 models, 604 hp versus their 543 hp. As in the other models - Maybach 57 and 62 - the maximum speed is electronically limited.
Top Speed: 250 kmph
PORSCHE CARRERA GT
Price: $440,000 in US
Rs 5.47 crore in India
Despite claims that the Carrera GT supercar had gone out of production, the car is very much available in the US and is in the list of one of the world's most expensive cars. The car has 605 hp @ 8000 rpm, can go from 0 to100 in 3.9 seconds and has a ten cylinder engine - a type of rarely seen outside of racing.
Top speed: 330 kmph
MAYBACH 62
Price: $448,153 in Europe
Rs 5.59 crore in India
Maybach's 62 ultra-luxury sedan is made by Mercedes-Benz and has proved that even a car this expensive to build can turn a profit. The Maybach 62 accelerates from 0 to 100 in just 5.4 seconds. The top speed is electronically limited but can be reached rapidly and with virtually no apparent effort.
Top speed: 250 kmph
MERCEDES-BENZ SLR MCLAREN
Price: $452,750 in US
Rs 5.64 crore in India
The SLR McLaren is as comfortable and sophisticated as a street-legal racecar can be. It is a collaboration between Mercedes and legendary British racecar builder McLaren. With the help of a 617 hp and 5.4-liter supercharged V8 engine, the SLR sprints from 0 to 100 in just 3.6 seconds.
Top speed: 343kmph
KOENIGSEGG CCR
Price: €458,000 in Europe
Rs 6.94 crore in India
The Koenigsegg is a Swedish car that sports a supercharged V8 engine. It can go from 0 to 100 in 3.2 seconds with its hp of 806 @ 7000 rpm. The Koenigsegg CCR currently holds the Guinness World Record for the most powerful car in series production.
Top speed: 395 kmph
SALEEN S7 TWIN TURBO
Price: $ 637,723 in US
Rs 7.95 crore in India
Started by former racing driver Steve Saleen, the Saleen car company produces some of the fastest cars in the world. The S7 is designed to compete with the fastest and most luxurious grand touring cars. It can go from 0 to 100 in six seconds has 750 bhp @ 6300 rpm and sports an all-aluminum V8, 2-valve.
Top speed: 320 kmph
LEBLANC MIRABEAU
Price: $645,084 (Global)
Rs 8.03 crore in India
Leblanc is ramping up production of its new Mirabeau supercar. The company hopes to make the vehicle street legal for the US by early 2007. With a six-speed sequential transmission, more than 700 bhp @ 7600 rpm, the Leblanc Mirabeau's interior is optimized for maximum acceleration.
Top speed: 370 kmph
SSC ULTIMATE AERO
Price: $654,500 in US
Rs 8.17 crore in India
The most expensive American car is also the fastest. Automaker SSC estimates this vehicle is capable of going from 0-60 in just 2.9 seconds and the base model has a supercharged 6.2-litre V8 engine rated 787 bhp @ 6600 rpm. The SSC Ultimate Aero requires 104 octane gasoline.
Top speed: 400 kmph
PAGANI ZANDA ROADSTER FC12S 7.3
Price $667,321 in Europe and US
Rs 8.31 crore in India
Pagani is an Italian boutique automaker that builds radical-looking racecars. This version of its Zonda flagship has 555 bhp @ 5900 rpm, can go from 0 to 60 in 3.6 seconds and is propelled by mid-mounted V-12 DOHC engines.
Top speed: 344 kmph
BUGATTI VEYRON 16.4
Price: €1,000,000 in Europe
Rs 15.17 crore in India
Volkswagen's production delays are finally over and the Bugatti Veyron 16.4 is ready to hit the road. The car sports a W16 engine fed by four turbochargers, can go from 0 to 100 mph in six seconds and uses unique cross-drilled and turbine vented carbon rotors that draw in cooling air for braking.
Top speed: 407 kmph
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Thursday, October 05, 2006
EMBARASSING SITUATION
A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman
sitting alone. After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask
her, "Er...
excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?"
She responds in a loud voice :
"NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them. The young man is surprised,
shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.
After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes,
and says, "You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm
studying how
people respond to embarrassing situations."
The young man responds loudly with,
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THREE THOUSAND RUPEES.
THATS TOO MUCH !"
sitting alone. After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask
her, "Er...
excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?"
She responds in a loud voice :
"NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"
Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them. The young man is surprised,
shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.
After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes,
and says, "You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm
studying how
people respond to embarrassing situations."
The young man responds loudly with,
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THREE THOUSAND RUPEES.
THATS TOO MUCH !"
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
A PROUD INDIAN!!!
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too.
Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their
hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A girl named Gita has not gone along
with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I am not an American." replied Gita.
"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a proud Indian," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks
Gita. why she is an Indian.
"Well", my mom and dad are Indians, "so I'm an Indian too."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason", she says loudly "if your
mom was an idiot, and your dad was an idiot, what would you be then?" A
pause, and a smile.
"Then" says Gita, "I'd be an American."
She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too.
Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their
hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A girl named Gita has not gone along
with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I am not an American." replied Gita.
"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a proud Indian," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks
Gita. why she is an Indian.
"Well", my mom and dad are Indians, "so I'm an Indian too."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason", she says loudly "if your
mom was an idiot, and your dad was an idiot, what would you be then?" A
pause, and a smile.
"Then" says Gita, "I'd be an American."
Saturday, September 16, 2006
COMBINED POWER OF YAHOO & GOOGLE
For all those who find Yahoo and Google search engines tedious and
time-consuming, a new website known as GahooYoogle has come up with a solution. This website combines the search engines of Yahoo and Google on one screen. Using a split screen to display the search results of both the engines, this website is proving to be convenient for many net surfers.
http://www.gahooyoogle.com/
time-consuming, a new website known as GahooYoogle has come up with a solution. This website combines the search engines of Yahoo and Google on one screen. Using a split screen to display the search results of both the engines, this website is proving to be convenient for many net surfers.
http://www.gahooyoogle.com/
Monday, September 11, 2006
SPARROW AND THE MOTORIST
A Motorist hit a Sparrow. He took the unconscious bird and put it in a cage with bread and water. The sparrow woke up next morning, looked around and screamed.....
"Bard, Bread & Water.....Im in Jail!!! Oh My God I've killed the Motorist..."
"Bard, Bread & Water.....Im in Jail!!! Oh My God I've killed the Motorist..."
Saturday, September 09, 2006
INTERESTING LINK
Click on the below link and check out what happend....Its interesting
http://www.netdisaster.com/go.php?mode=snail&url=http://fun--frolic.blogspot.com
http://www.netdisaster.com/go.php?mode=snail&url=http://fun--frolic.blogspot.com
SHOCKING TELEGRAMS
TELEGRAM #1. A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as :"Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
*************************************
TELEGRAM #2. A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here." The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."
*************************************
TELEGRAM #3. A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her husband. At the reservation counter , while her turn came, it was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as: "Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."
*************************************
TELEGRAM #4. A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party . So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake. Well he thinks for a while and says: let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better". The salesman asks "how do you want me to put it?" The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "You are getting better" at the bottom. The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake: "You are not getting older at the top, You are getting better at the bottom".
*************************************
TELEGRAM #5. A man from Agra went to Ajmer . His wife was in her parent's house in Delhi . When the man went to Ajmer , he asked his servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer . He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she fainted. It was written: 'sethji aaj mar gaye ! ( Sethji Ajmer gaye ).
*************************************
TELEGRAM #2. A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here." The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."
*************************************
TELEGRAM #3. A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to her husband. At the reservation counter , while her turn came, it was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as: "Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."
*************************************
TELEGRAM #4. A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party . So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake. Well he thinks for a while and says: let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better". The salesman asks "how do you want me to put it?" The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "You are getting better" at the bottom. The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake: "You are not getting older at the top, You are getting better at the bottom".
*************************************
TELEGRAM #5. A man from Agra went to Ajmer . His wife was in her parent's house in Delhi . When the man went to Ajmer , he asked his servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer . He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she fainted. It was written: 'sethji aaj mar gaye ! ( Sethji Ajmer gaye ).
Friday, August 11, 2006
MOST FAMOUS MAN WHO EVER LIVED
One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $20 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.
Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jayant, come up here and I'll give you the $20."
As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know Jayant, since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is business!"
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.
Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jayant, come up here and I'll give you the $20."
As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know Jayant, since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is business!"
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
GREAT COMPANIES & THEIR NAMES
Mercedes:This was actually financier's daughter's name.
Adobe: This came from the name of the river Adobe Creek that ran behind the house of founder John Warnock.
Apple Computers: It was the favourite fruit of founder Steve Jobbs.He was three months late for filing a name for the business, and he threatened to call his company Apple Computers if the other colleagues didn't suggest a better name by 5 0'clock.
CISCO: It is not an acronym as popuraily believed.Its short for San Francisco.
Compaq: This name was formed by using COMP, for computer and PAQ to denote a small integral object.
Corel: The name was derived from the founder's name Dr. Michael Cowpland. It stands for COwpland Research Laboratory.
Google: The name started as a joke boasting about the amount of information the search-engine would be able to search. It was originally named 'Googol', a word for the number represented by 1 followed by 100 zeros. After founders - Stanford graduate students Sergey Brin and Larry Page presented their project to an angel investor; they received a cheque made out to 'Google'.
Hotmail: Founder Jack Smith got the idea of accessing e-mail via the web from a computer anywhere in the world. When Sabeer Bhatia came up with the business plan for the mail service, he tried all kinds of names ending in 'mail' and finally settled for hotmail as it included the letters "html" - the programming language used to write web pages. It was initially referred to as HoTMaiL with selective uppercasing.
Hewlett Packard : Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard tossed a coin to decide whether the company they founded would be called Hewlett-Packard or Packard-Hewlett.
Intel: Bob Noyce and Gordon Moore wanted to name their new company 'Moore Noyce' but that was already trademarked by a hotel chain so they had to settle for an acronym of INTegrated ELectronics.
Lotus (Notes) : Mitch Kapor got the name for his company from 'The Lotus Position' or 'Padmasana'. Kapor used to be a teacher of ranscendental Meditation of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.
Microsoft: Coined by Bill Gates to represent the company that was devoted to MICROcomputer SOFTware. Originally christened Micro-Soft, the '-' was removed later on.
Motorola: Founder Paul Galvin came up with this name when his company started manufacturing radios for cars. The popular radio company at the time was called Victrola.
ORACLE: Larry Ellison and Bob Oats were working on a consulting project for the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency). The code name for the project was called Oracle (the CIA saw this as the system to give answers to all questions or something such). The project was designed to help use the newly written SQL code by IBM. The project eventually was terminated but Larry and Bob decided to finish what they started and bring it to the world. They kept the name Oracle and created the RDBMS engine. Later they kept the same name for the company.
Sony: It originated from the Latin word 'sonus' meaning sound, and 'sonny' a slang used by Americans to refer to a bright youngster.
SUN : Founded by 4 Stanford University buddies, SUN is the acronym for Stanford University Network. Andreas Bechtolsheim built a microcomputer; Vinod Khosla recruited him and Scott McNealy to manufacture computers based on it, and Bill Joy to develop a UNIX-based OS for the computer.
Apache: It got its name because its founders got started by applying patches to code written for NCSA's httpd daemon. The result was 'A PAtCHy'server -- thus, the name Apache Jakarta (project from Apache): A project constituted by SUN and Apache to create a web server handling servlets and JSPs. Jakarta was name of the conference room at SUN where most of the meetings between SUN and Apache took place.
Tomcat: The servlet part of the Jakarta project. Tomcat was the code name for the JSDK 2.1 project inside SUN.
C: Dennis Ritchie improved on the B programming language and called it 'New B'.He later called it C. Earlier B was created by Ken Thompson as a revision of the Bon programming language (named after his wife Bonnie).
C++: Bjarne Stroustrup called his new language 'C with Classes' and then new C'. Because of which the original C began to be called 'old C' which was considered insulting to the C community. At this time Rick Mascitti suggested the name C++ as a successor to C.
GNU: A species of African antelope. Founder of the GNU project Richard Stallman liked the name because of the humor associated with its pronunciation and was also influenced by the children's song 'The Gnu Song' which is a song sung by a gnu. Also it fitted into the recursive acronym culture with 'GNU's Not Unix'.
Java: Originally called Oak by creator James Gosling, from the tree that stood outside his window, the programming team had to look for a substitute as there was no other language with the same name. Java was selected from a list of suggestions. It came from the name of the coffee that the programmers drank.
LG: Combination of two popular Korean brands Lucky and Goldstar.
Linux: Linus Torvalds originally used the Minix OS on his system which he replaced by his OS. Hence the working name was Linux (Linus' Minix). He thought the name to be too egotistical and planned to name it Freax(free + freak + x).His friend Ari Lemmke encouraged Linus to upload it to a network so it could be easily downloaded. Ari gave Linus a directory called linux on his FTP server, as he did not like the name Freax.(Linus' parents named himafter two-time Nobel Prize winner Linus Pauling) .
Mozilla: When Marc Andreesen, founder of Netscape, created a browser to replace Mosaic (also developed by him), it was named Mozilla (Mosaic-Killer, Godzilla).The marketing guys didn't like the name however and it was re-christened Netscape Navigator.
Red Hat: Company founder Marc Ewing was given the Cornell lacrosse team cap (with red and white stripes) while at college by his grandfather. He lost it and had to search for it desperately. The manual of the beta version of Red Hat Linux had an appeal to readers to return his Red Hat if found by anyone!
SAP: "Systems, Applications, Products in Data Processing", formed by 4 ex-IBM employees who used to work in the Systems/Applications/Projects group of IBM.
SCO (UNIX): From Santa Cruz Operation. The company's office was in Santa Cruz.
UNIX: When Bell Labs pulled out of MULTICS (MULTiplexed Information and Computing System), which was originally a joint Bell/GE/MIT project, Ken Thompson and Dennis Ritchie of Bell Labs wrote a simpler version of the OS.They needed the OS to run the game Space War which was compiled under MULTICS.It was called UNICS - UNIplexed operating and Computing System by Brian Kernighan. It was later shortened to UNIX.
Xerox: The inventor, Chestor Carlson, named his product trying to say `dry' (as it was dry copying, markedly different from the then prevailing wet copying).The Greek root `xer' means dry.
Yahoo!: The word was invented by Jonathan Swift and used in his book 'Gulliver's Travels'. It represents a person who is repulsive in appearance and action and is barely human. Yahoo! founders Jerry Yang and David Filo selected the name because they considered themselves yahoos.
3M: Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing Company started off by mining the material corundum used to make sandpaper.
Adobe: This came from the name of the river Adobe Creek that ran behind the house of founder John Warnock.
Apple Computers: It was the favourite fruit of founder Steve Jobbs.He was three months late for filing a name for the business, and he threatened to call his company Apple Computers if the other colleagues didn't suggest a better name by 5 0'clock.
CISCO: It is not an acronym as popuraily believed.Its short for San Francisco.
Compaq: This name was formed by using COMP, for computer and PAQ to denote a small integral object.
Corel: The name was derived from the founder's name Dr. Michael Cowpland. It stands for COwpland Research Laboratory.
Google: The name started as a joke boasting about the amount of information the search-engine would be able to search. It was originally named 'Googol', a word for the number represented by 1 followed by 100 zeros. After founders - Stanford graduate students Sergey Brin and Larry Page presented their project to an angel investor; they received a cheque made out to 'Google'.
Hotmail: Founder Jack Smith got the idea of accessing e-mail via the web from a computer anywhere in the world. When Sabeer Bhatia came up with the business plan for the mail service, he tried all kinds of names ending in 'mail' and finally settled for hotmail as it included the letters "html" - the programming language used to write web pages. It was initially referred to as HoTMaiL with selective uppercasing.
Hewlett Packard : Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard tossed a coin to decide whether the company they founded would be called Hewlett-Packard or Packard-Hewlett.
Intel: Bob Noyce and Gordon Moore wanted to name their new company 'Moore Noyce' but that was already trademarked by a hotel chain so they had to settle for an acronym of INTegrated ELectronics.
Lotus (Notes) : Mitch Kapor got the name for his company from 'The Lotus Position' or 'Padmasana'. Kapor used to be a teacher of ranscendental Meditation of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.
Microsoft: Coined by Bill Gates to represent the company that was devoted to MICROcomputer SOFTware. Originally christened Micro-Soft, the '-' was removed later on.
Motorola: Founder Paul Galvin came up with this name when his company started manufacturing radios for cars. The popular radio company at the time was called Victrola.
ORACLE: Larry Ellison and Bob Oats were working on a consulting project for the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency). The code name for the project was called Oracle (the CIA saw this as the system to give answers to all questions or something such). The project was designed to help use the newly written SQL code by IBM. The project eventually was terminated but Larry and Bob decided to finish what they started and bring it to the world. They kept the name Oracle and created the RDBMS engine. Later they kept the same name for the company.
Sony: It originated from the Latin word 'sonus' meaning sound, and 'sonny' a slang used by Americans to refer to a bright youngster.
SUN : Founded by 4 Stanford University buddies, SUN is the acronym for Stanford University Network. Andreas Bechtolsheim built a microcomputer; Vinod Khosla recruited him and Scott McNealy to manufacture computers based on it, and Bill Joy to develop a UNIX-based OS for the computer.
Apache: It got its name because its founders got started by applying patches to code written for NCSA's httpd daemon. The result was 'A PAtCHy'server -- thus, the name Apache Jakarta (project from Apache): A project constituted by SUN and Apache to create a web server handling servlets and JSPs. Jakarta was name of the conference room at SUN where most of the meetings between SUN and Apache took place.
Tomcat: The servlet part of the Jakarta project. Tomcat was the code name for the JSDK 2.1 project inside SUN.
C: Dennis Ritchie improved on the B programming language and called it 'New B'.He later called it C. Earlier B was created by Ken Thompson as a revision of the Bon programming language (named after his wife Bonnie).
C++: Bjarne Stroustrup called his new language 'C with Classes' and then new C'. Because of which the original C began to be called 'old C' which was considered insulting to the C community. At this time Rick Mascitti suggested the name C++ as a successor to C.
GNU: A species of African antelope. Founder of the GNU project Richard Stallman liked the name because of the humor associated with its pronunciation and was also influenced by the children's song 'The Gnu Song' which is a song sung by a gnu. Also it fitted into the recursive acronym culture with 'GNU's Not Unix'.
Java: Originally called Oak by creator James Gosling, from the tree that stood outside his window, the programming team had to look for a substitute as there was no other language with the same name. Java was selected from a list of suggestions. It came from the name of the coffee that the programmers drank.
LG: Combination of two popular Korean brands Lucky and Goldstar.
Linux: Linus Torvalds originally used the Minix OS on his system which he replaced by his OS. Hence the working name was Linux (Linus' Minix). He thought the name to be too egotistical and planned to name it Freax(free + freak + x).His friend Ari Lemmke encouraged Linus to upload it to a network so it could be easily downloaded. Ari gave Linus a directory called linux on his FTP server, as he did not like the name Freax.(Linus' parents named himafter two-time Nobel Prize winner Linus Pauling) .
Mozilla: When Marc Andreesen, founder of Netscape, created a browser to replace Mosaic (also developed by him), it was named Mozilla (Mosaic-Killer, Godzilla).The marketing guys didn't like the name however and it was re-christened Netscape Navigator.
Red Hat: Company founder Marc Ewing was given the Cornell lacrosse team cap (with red and white stripes) while at college by his grandfather. He lost it and had to search for it desperately. The manual of the beta version of Red Hat Linux had an appeal to readers to return his Red Hat if found by anyone!
SAP: "Systems, Applications, Products in Data Processing", formed by 4 ex-IBM employees who used to work in the Systems/Applications/Projects group of IBM.
SCO (UNIX): From Santa Cruz Operation. The company's office was in Santa Cruz.
UNIX: When Bell Labs pulled out of MULTICS (MULTiplexed Information and Computing System), which was originally a joint Bell/GE/MIT project, Ken Thompson and Dennis Ritchie of Bell Labs wrote a simpler version of the OS.They needed the OS to run the game Space War which was compiled under MULTICS.It was called UNICS - UNIplexed operating and Computing System by Brian Kernighan. It was later shortened to UNIX.
Xerox: The inventor, Chestor Carlson, named his product trying to say `dry' (as it was dry copying, markedly different from the then prevailing wet copying).The Greek root `xer' means dry.
Yahoo!: The word was invented by Jonathan Swift and used in his book 'Gulliver's Travels'. It represents a person who is repulsive in appearance and action and is barely human. Yahoo! founders Jerry Yang and David Filo selected the name because they considered themselves yahoos.
3M: Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing Company started off by mining the material corundum used to make sandpaper.
WHAT U CAN AND WHAT U CAN'T
1) U can study and get any certificates. But u cannot get ur death certificate
2) U may have AIRTEL or BSNL connection but when u sneeze u ll say HUTCH
3) U can bcome an engineer if u study in engineering college. U cannot bcom a president if u studies in Presidency College
4) U can expect a BUS from a BUS stop ... u cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop
5) A mechanical engineer can bcom a mechanic but a software engineer cannot bcom a software
6) U can find tea in teacup. But cannot find world in world cup
7) U can find keys in Keyboard but u cannot find mother in motherboard.
2) U may have AIRTEL or BSNL connection but when u sneeze u ll say HUTCH
3) U can bcome an engineer if u study in engineering college. U cannot bcom a president if u studies in Presidency College
4) U can expect a BUS from a BUS stop ... u cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop
5) A mechanical engineer can bcom a mechanic but a software engineer cannot bcom a software
6) U can find tea in teacup. But cannot find world in world cup
7) U can find keys in Keyboard but u cannot find mother in motherboard.
HINGLISH TEACHER
A Schoolmaster from a remote rural area was transferred to a school in Bombay. He reported for duty two days before August 15 and, as was the practice in the school, was asked to address the assembly on Independence Day.
Here's his dynamite speech : Leddies and Gentulmens, Contemporaries, Children, "This is my first maiden speech. If small small mistakes get inside my speech, I ask pardon. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following reason.Too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. The clerk rejected to give ticket. I put complaint on station master. He said me to go to lady clerk. At first she also rejected. With great difficulty she gave a birth only to my son. Anyway I thanked the station master because he was responsible for getting birth of my son.
We got independent because of great leaders like Gandhiji who get-outted all angrezi peoples from India. Tilak said Swaraj is our birth-rate and we shall halve it. Today we all halve our birth-rate. You children are future dynamic generators of the Nation. Look into future time only. No backside looking, or looking at your behind. Be like great like X' raj Ranjan of Germany or Presidents like Loosebelt.
You know genius, no? It is one per cent perspiration and ninety seven percent evaporation. They became great by reading great books. After we finish you here in the school, you can go to college and get B.A., M.A. and other decrease. Then you can become great liars in the supreme courts, shattered accountants, or leacherers in college.
The school is like a garden. You are the seeds, school is the soil. We will bury you in this soil, pour water of knowledge on your heads and one day will become great phools. Many vacancy job come in newspapers. Only yesterday I saw in paper "Wanted for refuted engineering firm: Generators, highpower condensors" so and so forth, etc. These jobs may be teknickel, but you can rise. If you have flare in
English, you can become teacher.
I am now ending this fastly. My God blast you! Thank you and thank God I am finished. Joy Hind!"
Here's his dynamite speech : Leddies and Gentulmens, Contemporaries, Children, "This is my first maiden speech. If small small mistakes get inside my speech, I ask pardon. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following reason.Too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. The clerk rejected to give ticket. I put complaint on station master. He said me to go to lady clerk. At first she also rejected. With great difficulty she gave a birth only to my son. Anyway I thanked the station master because he was responsible for getting birth of my son.
We got independent because of great leaders like Gandhiji who get-outted all angrezi peoples from India. Tilak said Swaraj is our birth-rate and we shall halve it. Today we all halve our birth-rate. You children are future dynamic generators of the Nation. Look into future time only. No backside looking, or looking at your behind. Be like great like X' raj Ranjan of Germany or Presidents like Loosebelt.
You know genius, no? It is one per cent perspiration and ninety seven percent evaporation. They became great by reading great books. After we finish you here in the school, you can go to college and get B.A., M.A. and other decrease. Then you can become great liars in the supreme courts, shattered accountants, or leacherers in college.
The school is like a garden. You are the seeds, school is the soil. We will bury you in this soil, pour water of knowledge on your heads and one day will become great phools. Many vacancy job come in newspapers. Only yesterday I saw in paper "Wanted for refuted engineering firm: Generators, highpower condensors" so and so forth, etc. These jobs may be teknickel, but you can rise. If you have flare in
English, you can become teacher.
I am now ending this fastly. My God blast you! Thank you and thank God I am finished. Joy Hind!"
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
SIMPLY WITTY
1, What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."
2, The president of a large corporation opened his directors meeting by announcing, "All those who are opposed to the plan I am about to propose will reply by saying, 'I resign'
3, What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
The ones in the casinos are serious.
4, When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
5, A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
His father replied, "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine."
6, The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.
The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong.
7,Sunny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Sunny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls."
The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."
Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."
2, The president of a large corporation opened his directors meeting by announcing, "All those who are opposed to the plan I am about to propose will reply by saying, 'I resign'
3, What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
The ones in the casinos are serious.
4, When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
5, A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
His father replied, "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine."
6, The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.
The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong.
7,Sunny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Sunny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls."
The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."
CONTRADICTING QUOTES
1, Actions speak louder than words./The pen is mightier than the sword.
2, Look before you leap./ He who hesitates is lost.
3, Many hands make light work. (or) Two heads are better than one. / Too many cooks spoil the broth.
4, A silent man is a wise one. / A man without words is a man without thoughts..
5, Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. / Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
6, Clothes make the man. / Don't judge a book by its cover. (or) All that glitters is not gold.
7, Nothing ventured, nothing gained. / Better safe than sorry.
8, The bigger, the better. / The best things come in small packages.
9, Absence makes the heart grow fonder. / Out of sight, out of mind.
10, What will be, will be. / Life is what you make it.
11, Cross your bridges when you come to them. / Forewarned is forearmed.
12, What's good for the goose is good for the gander. / One man's meat is another man's poison.
13, With age comes wisdom. / Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings come all wise sayings.
14, The more, the merrier./ Two's company; three's a crowd.
15, The best things in life are free. / You get what you pay for.
16, It never rains, than it pours. / Lightning never strikes twice in the same place.
17, Better to ask the way than to go astray. / Ask no questions and hear no lies.
18, Never do evil, that good may come of it. / The end justifies the means.
19, Variety is the spice of life. / Don't change horses in the middle of a stream.
20, There is nothing permanent except change. / There is nothing new under the sun.
21, Never too old to learn. / You can't teach an old dog new tricks.
22, Everything comes to him who waits. / He who hesitates is lost
2, Look before you leap./ He who hesitates is lost.
3, Many hands make light work. (or) Two heads are better than one. / Too many cooks spoil the broth.
4, A silent man is a wise one. / A man without words is a man without thoughts..
5, Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. / Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
6, Clothes make the man. / Don't judge a book by its cover. (or) All that glitters is not gold.
7, Nothing ventured, nothing gained. / Better safe than sorry.
8, The bigger, the better. / The best things come in small packages.
9, Absence makes the heart grow fonder. / Out of sight, out of mind.
10, What will be, will be. / Life is what you make it.
11, Cross your bridges when you come to them. / Forewarned is forearmed.
12, What's good for the goose is good for the gander. / One man's meat is another man's poison.
13, With age comes wisdom. / Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings come all wise sayings.
14, The more, the merrier./ Two's company; three's a crowd.
15, The best things in life are free. / You get what you pay for.
16, It never rains, than it pours. / Lightning never strikes twice in the same place.
17, Better to ask the way than to go astray. / Ask no questions and hear no lies.
18, Never do evil, that good may come of it. / The end justifies the means.
19, Variety is the spice of life. / Don't change horses in the middle of a stream.
20, There is nothing permanent except change. / There is nothing new under the sun.
21, Never too old to learn. / You can't teach an old dog new tricks.
22, Everything comes to him who waits. / He who hesitates is lost
COMPLEX ENGLISH
English can be so complex to understand sometimes
Read the paragraph below ....and try to understand the meaning.
Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitously descended,sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure; Subsequently the second member of the team performed a self rotational translation oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member.
What do u think in simple English it translates to?
Jack and jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
and jill came tumbling after!!!
Read the paragraph below ....and try to understand the meaning.
Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitously descended,sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure; Subsequently the second member of the team performed a self rotational translation oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member.
What do u think in simple English it translates to?
Jack and jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
and jill came tumbling after!!!
BEWARE OF KIDS
1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.
The teacher asked, ” What if Jonah went to hell?”
The little girl: replied, “Then you ask him”.
2. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”
The teacher: paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”
3. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”
Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”
4. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, She’s dead. ”
5. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.”
“Yes,” the class said.
“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”
A little fellow shouted, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”
6. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
“Take only ONE. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.
The teacher asked, ” What if Jonah went to hell?”
The little girl: replied, “Then you ask him”.
2. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”
The teacher: paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”
3. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”
Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”
4. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, She’s dead. ”
5. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.”
“Yes,” the class said.
“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”
A little fellow shouted, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”
6. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
“Take only ONE. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Man in Heaven....
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St.Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are the Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man. Pointing to one clock he asked, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St Peter responded. "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where is George W. Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
St. Peter answered, "Those are the Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man. Pointing to one clock he asked, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St Peter responded. "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where is George W. Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
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