Thursday, July 12, 2007
JOB DESCRIPTION
1. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to
rain.
2. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
3. A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
4. An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be
another bomb on the plane.
5. A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
6. A mathematician is like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there.
7. A topologist is a someone who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and doughnut.
8. A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."
9. A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
10. A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
11. A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
12. A committee is a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
rain.
2. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
3. A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
4. An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be
another bomb on the plane.
5. A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
6. A mathematician is like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there.
7. A topologist is a someone who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and doughnut.
8. A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."
9. A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
10. A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
11. A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
12. A committee is a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
THE REASON WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY
Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway.
I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday", and would probably have a present
for me..
She didn't even say "Good Morning", Let alone any "Happy Birthday".
I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. Maybe the children will remember". The children came in to breakfast and
didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent
As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said "Good morning boss, Happy Birthday".
So I felt a little better; someone had remembered I worked until noon. Then Janet knocked on my door and
said "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday let's go to lunch, just you and me."
I said "By George that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go.."
We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go. We went out into the country to a little private
place, We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously...
On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day We don't need to go back to the office,
do we???"
I said, "No, I guess not" . She said, "Let's go to my apartment". After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if
you don't mind I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable..."
Sure, "I excitedly replied". She went into the bedroom and, In about six minutes, she came out carrying a big
birthday cake followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends...
All were singing " Happy Birthday"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And there on the couch I sat... Naked.....
I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday", and would probably have a present
for me..
She didn't even say "Good Morning", Let alone any "Happy Birthday".
I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. Maybe the children will remember". The children came in to breakfast and
didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent
As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said "Good morning boss, Happy Birthday".
So I felt a little better; someone had remembered I worked until noon. Then Janet knocked on my door and
said "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday let's go to lunch, just you and me."
I said "By George that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go.."
We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go. We went out into the country to a little private
place, We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously...
On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day We don't need to go back to the office,
do we???"
I said, "No, I guess not" . She said, "Let's go to my apartment". After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if
you don't mind I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable..."
Sure, "I excitedly replied". She went into the bedroom and, In about six minutes, she came out carrying a big
birthday cake followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends...
All were singing " Happy Birthday"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And there on the couch I sat... Naked.....
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
DUBAI-THE DREAMLAND
Dubai in 1990
The same place in 2003
Dubai is said to currently have 15-25% of all the world's cranes
The Dubai Waterfront-When completed it will become the largest waterfront development in the world
The Palm Islands in Dubai-New Dutch dredging technology was used to create these massive man made islands. They are the largest artificial islands in the world and can be seen from space. Three of these Palms will be made with the last one being the largest of them all.
Upon completion, the resort will have 2,000 villas, 40 luxury hotels, shopping centers, movie theaters, and many other facilities. It is expected to support a population of approximately 500,000 people. It is advertised as being visible from the moon.
The World Islands-300 artificially created islands in the shape of the world. Each island will have an estimated cost of $25-30 million.
The Burj al-Arab hotel in Dubai-The worlds tallest hotel. Considered the only '7 star' hotel and the most luxurious hotel in the world. It stands on an artificial island in the sea
Hydropolis, the world's first underwater hotel. Entirely built in Germany and then assembled in Dubai, it is scheduled to be completed soon.
The Burj Dubai-Construction began in 2005 and is expected to be complete by 2008. At an estimated height of over 800 meters, it will easily the be world's tallest building when finished. It will be almost 40% taller than the the current tallest building, the Taipei 101.
This is what downtown Dubai will look like around 2008-2009. Fifty stories (around 190 meters) of the Burj Dubai have already been completed.
The Al Burj-This will be the centerpiece of the Dubai Waterfront. Upon completion it will rival The Burj Dubai for the title of tallest building in the world.
The exact height of the building is being kept strictly confidential for reasons of competition. Since the Al Burj and Burj Dubai are both striving to become the world's tallest building, it is rumored that the Al Burj will be built a little higher since the Burj Dubai will be completed first.
The Burj al Alam, or The World Tower. Upon completion it will rank as the world's highest hotel. It is expected to be finished by 2009.
At 480 meters it will only be 28 meters shorter than the Taipei 101.
Dubailand. Currently, the largest amusement park collection in the world is Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando, which is also the largest single-site employer in the United states with 58,000 employees. Dubailand will be twice the size.
Dubailand will be built on 3 billion square feet (107 miles^2) at an estimated $20 billion price tag. The site will include a purported 45 mega projects and 200 hundred other smaller projects.
Dubai Sports City-A huge collection of sports arenas located in Dubailand.
Currently, the Walt Disney World Resort is the #1 tourist destination in the world. Once fully completed, Dubailand will easily take over that title since it is expected to attract 200,000 visitors daily.
Ocean Heights and The Princess Tower, two huge luxury condominium and apartment towers to be built on the Dubai Marina. At over 100 stories tall, The Princess Tower will become the largest residential building in the world after construction is done.
The Dubai Marina is an entirely man made development that will contain over 200 highrise buildings when finished. It will be home to some of the tallest residential structures in the world. The completed first phase of the project is shown. Most of the other high rise buildings will be finished by 2008.
The Dubai Mall will be the largest shopping mall in the world with over 9 million square feet of shopping and around 1000 stores. It will be completed in 2008.
Ski Dubai, which is already open, is the largest indoor skiing facility in the world.
Some of the tallest buildings in the world will line the Dubai Marina.
The UAE Spaceport would be the first spaceport in the world if construction ever gets under way. All right this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Some other other crazy facts...
*The Dubai Metro system, once completed, will become the largest fully automated rail system in the world.
*The Dubai World Central International Airport will become the largest airport in size when it is completed. It will also eventually become the busiest airport in the world, based on passenger volume.
*There are more construction workers in Dubai than there are actual citizens (although Dubai does has a 80% expatriate population).
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