Wednesday, May 30, 2007
LETTERS DEAR ABBY ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
DUMB QUESTIONS???
A Sardarji is in a QuizContest trying to win prize
money of Rs.1 crore....kaun banega crorepati...
The questions are as follows:
1) How long was the 100 yr war?
A) 116
B) 99
C) 100
D) 150
Sardar says "I will skip this"
2) In which country are the Panama hats made?
A) BRASIL
B) CHILE
C) PANAMA
D) EQUADOR
Sardar asks for help from the University
students
3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
A) JANUARY
B) SEPTEMBER
C) OCTOBER
D) NOVEMBER
Sardar asks for help from general public
4) Which of these was King George VI first name?
A) EDER
B) ALBERT
C) GEORGE
D) MANOEL
Sardar asks for lucky cards
5) The Canary Islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal:
A) CANARYBIRD
B) KANGAROO
C) PUPPY
D) RAT
Sardar gives up.
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at our Sardar's replies,
Then please check the answers below:
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453
2) The Panama hat is made in Equador
3) The October revolution is celebrated in November
4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.
5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA
which means islands of the puppies.
Now tell me who's the dumb one....Don't ever
laugh at a Sardar again
Don't forget that the PrimeMinister of ur country is a sardar.
money of Rs.1 crore....kaun banega crorepati...
The questions are as follows:
1) How long was the 100 yr war?
A) 116
B) 99
C) 100
D) 150
Sardar says "I will skip this"
2) In which country are the Panama hats made?
A) BRASIL
B) CHILE
C) PANAMA
D) EQUADOR
Sardar asks for help from the University
students
3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
A) JANUARY
B) SEPTEMBER
C) OCTOBER
D) NOVEMBER
Sardar asks for help from general public
4) Which of these was King George VI first name?
A) EDER
B) ALBERT
C) GEORGE
D) MANOEL
Sardar asks for lucky cards
5) The Canary Islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal:
A) CANARYBIRD
B) KANGAROO
C) PUPPY
D) RAT
Sardar gives up.
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at our Sardar's replies,
Then please check the answers below:
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
;
1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453
2) The Panama hat is made in Equador
3) The October revolution is celebrated in November
4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.
5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA
which means islands of the puppies.
Now tell me who's the dumb one....Don't ever
laugh at a Sardar again
Don't forget that the PrimeMinister of ur country is a sardar.
BLONDE GUY'S LUNCH
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.”
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off too.”
The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.”
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman’s wife was weeping. She said, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!”
The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”
(Oh this is GOOD!!)
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife. The blonde’s wife said, “Don’t look at me. He makes his own lunch.”
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.”
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off too.”
The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.”
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman’s wife was weeping. She said, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!”
The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”
(Oh this is GOOD!!)
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife. The blonde’s wife said, “Don’t look at me. He makes his own lunch.”
Thursday, May 24, 2007
A CASE OF KISS AND SLAP
Bush, Manmohan, Aishwarya rai and Sonia are traveling in a train. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The women and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed. Bush is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.
Sonia is thinking:
These Americans are all crazy after Aishwarya. Bush must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.
Aishwarya is thinking:
Bush must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.
Bush is thinking:
Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.
Manmohan is thinking:
If this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap Bush again.
Sonia is thinking:
These Americans are all crazy after Aishwarya. Bush must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.
Aishwarya is thinking:
Bush must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.
Bush is thinking:
Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.
Manmohan is thinking:
If this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap Bush again.
JOOST-REVOLUTIONARY SOFTWARE
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You get great internet features too, such as search, chat and instant messaging, built right into the program - so you find shows quickly and talk to your friends while you watch. And with no schedules to worry about, you can watch whatever you want, whenever you like - as often as you want. Joost is completely free, and works with most modern PCs and Intel Mac-based computers with a broadband connection. Get Joost today!
For your free Joost invites, try these following links...
http://www.joost.com/presents/steve-bass/
http://joost.com/presents/gigaom-newteevee/
OR
Mail me @ shyam.sukumaran@gmail.com
Check out the screenshots below
You get great internet features too, such as search, chat and instant messaging, built right into the program - so you find shows quickly and talk to your friends while you watch. And with no schedules to worry about, you can watch whatever you want, whenever you like - as often as you want. Joost is completely free, and works with most modern PCs and Intel Mac-based computers with a broadband connection. Get Joost today!
For your free Joost invites, try these following links...
http://www.joost.com/presents/steve-bass/
http://joost.com/presents/gigaom-newteevee/
OR
Mail me @ shyam.sukumaran@gmail.com
Check out the screenshots below
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
SANTA BANTA SPECIAL!!
Banta Singh walks into a library and says, "Can I have a burger and fries?" The librarian says, "I'm sorry, this is a library." So he lowers his voice to a whisper and says, "Can I have a burger and fries?"
xxx
Santa with two red ears went to see his doctor. Doctor asked him what had happened to his ears. "I was ironing a shirt when phone rang. Instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron & stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But...what happened to your other ear?" "That scoundrel called again."
xxx
2 Days of Powercut in India made life miserable. Worst affected was Amritsar where all the SARDARS were stuck for 48 hrs. on Escalaters...
xxx
Santa told Banta, "I bet that India would win against Pakistan & lost Rs 1,000." Banta exclaimed: "Yaar, you bet Rs 1,000 for a single match?" Santa replied: "Nahi yaar, I bet Rs 500 on that match." Banta asked:"So, what happened to the other Rs 500?" Santa repied: "Chad yaar, I bet on the highlights too."
xxx
All ATM's in Punjab were jammed & not in working condition. Bcoz, Sardarji's wife kept her hair pin in machine when it asked..."Enter your PIN"
xxx
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran 8 kms a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kg. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?" asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 kms from home.
xxx
Sardarji goes to see The Jurassic Park. When the Dinosaurs start approaching he cowers in his seat. His friend asks him,"Kyun Sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyun lag raha hai? Cinema hi to hai." Sardarji replies, "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai,pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin woh to janwar hai, usko kya pata."
xxx
Santa noticed a banana peel on the street. He mutters to himself: 'Saddi to kismat hi kharab hai. Aaj phir girna padega!'
xxx
Santa with two red ears went to see his doctor. Doctor asked him what had happened to his ears. "I was ironing a shirt when phone rang. Instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron & stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But...what happened to your other ear?" "That scoundrel called again."
xxx
2 Days of Powercut in India made life miserable. Worst affected was Amritsar where all the SARDARS were stuck for 48 hrs. on Escalaters...
xxx
Santa told Banta, "I bet that India would win against Pakistan & lost Rs 1,000." Banta exclaimed: "Yaar, you bet Rs 1,000 for a single match?" Santa replied: "Nahi yaar, I bet Rs 500 on that match." Banta asked:"So, what happened to the other Rs 500?" Santa repied: "Chad yaar, I bet on the highlights too."
xxx
All ATM's in Punjab were jammed & not in working condition. Bcoz, Sardarji's wife kept her hair pin in machine when it asked..."Enter your PIN"
xxx
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran 8 kms a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kg. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?" asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 kms from home.
xxx
Sardarji goes to see The Jurassic Park. When the Dinosaurs start approaching he cowers in his seat. His friend asks him,"Kyun Sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyun lag raha hai? Cinema hi to hai." Sardarji replies, "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai,pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin woh to janwar hai, usko kya pata."
xxx
Santa noticed a banana peel on the street. He mutters to himself: 'Saddi to kismat hi kharab hai. Aaj phir girna padega!'
Monday, May 21, 2007
COOL DEFINITIONS
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.
Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ...
Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such Stuff......
Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.
Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ...
Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such Stuff......
Sunday, May 20, 2007
WE ARE INDIANS
Bengali
One Bengali = poet.
Two Bengalis = a film society.
Three Bengalis = political party.
Four Bengalis = two political parties.
More than four Bengali’s = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Indian Cricket Team.
Bihari
One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis = caste killing.
Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna.
Punjabi
One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky.
Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.
Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.
Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one.
Mallu
One Mallu = coconut stall.
Two Mallus = a boat race.
Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.
Four Mallus = oil slick.
UP Bhaiyya
One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.
Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.
Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.
Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.
Gujju
One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombay train.
Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train.
Three Gujjus = Bombay’s noisiest restaurant.
Four Gujjus = stock market scam.
Andhraite
One Andhraite = chili farmer.
Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey.
Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.
Kashmiri
One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.
Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.
Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.
Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.
Tamil-Brahmin
One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.
Two Tam-Brahms = maths tuition class.
Three Tam-Brahms = queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara.
Bombayite
One Bombayite = footpath vada-pav stall.
Two Bombayites = film studio.
Three Bombayites = slum.
Four Bombayites = the number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.
Sindhi
One Sindhi = currency racket.
Two Sindhis = papad factory.
Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar .
Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.
Marwari
One Marwari = the neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator.
Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta.
Three Marwaris = finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.
Four Marwaris = threaten the Jews as a community
One Bengali = poet.
Two Bengalis = a film society.
Three Bengalis = political party.
Four Bengalis = two political parties.
More than four Bengali’s = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Indian Cricket Team.
Bihari
One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis = caste killing.
Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna.
Punjabi
One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky.
Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.
Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.
Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one.
Mallu
One Mallu = coconut stall.
Two Mallus = a boat race.
Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.
Four Mallus = oil slick.
UP Bhaiyya
One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.
Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.
Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.
Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.
Gujju
One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombay train.
Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train.
Three Gujjus = Bombay’s noisiest restaurant.
Four Gujjus = stock market scam.
Andhraite
One Andhraite = chili farmer.
Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey.
Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.
Kashmiri
One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.
Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.
Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.
Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.
Tamil-Brahmin
One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.
Two Tam-Brahms = maths tuition class.
Three Tam-Brahms = queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara.
Bombayite
One Bombayite = footpath vada-pav stall.
Two Bombayites = film studio.
Three Bombayites = slum.
Four Bombayites = the number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.
Sindhi
One Sindhi = currency racket.
Two Sindhis = papad factory.
Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar .
Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.
Marwari
One Marwari = the neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator.
Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta.
Three Marwaris = finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.
Four Marwaris = threaten the Jews as a community
Saturday, May 19, 2007
CHINESE MILLIONAIRE'S LOAN
A Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to Taiwan on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.
The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese man for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
One of the bank’s employees then drives the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Chinese man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business and this transaction worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”
The Chinese man replies, “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.
The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese man for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
One of the bank’s employees then drives the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Chinese man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business and this transaction worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”
The Chinese man replies, “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”
Friday, May 18, 2007
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