Thursday, July 12, 2007
JOB DESCRIPTION
1. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to
rain.
2. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
3. A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
4. An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be
another bomb on the plane.
5. A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
6. A mathematician is like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there.
7. A topologist is a someone who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and doughnut.
8. A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."
9. A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
10. A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
11. A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
12. A committee is a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
rain.
2. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
3. A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
4. An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be
another bomb on the plane.
5. A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
6. A mathematician is like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there.
7. A topologist is a someone who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and doughnut.
8. A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."
9. A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
10. A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
11. A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
12. A committee is a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
THE REASON WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY
Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway.
I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday", and would probably have a present
for me..
She didn't even say "Good Morning", Let alone any "Happy Birthday".
I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. Maybe the children will remember". The children came in to breakfast and
didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent
As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said "Good morning boss, Happy Birthday".
So I felt a little better; someone had remembered I worked until noon. Then Janet knocked on my door and
said "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday let's go to lunch, just you and me."
I said "By George that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go.."
We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go. We went out into the country to a little private
place, We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously...
On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day We don't need to go back to the office,
do we???"
I said, "No, I guess not" . She said, "Let's go to my apartment". After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if
you don't mind I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable..."
Sure, "I excitedly replied". She went into the bedroom and, In about six minutes, she came out carrying a big
birthday cake followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends...
All were singing " Happy Birthday"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And there on the couch I sat... Naked.....
I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday", and would probably have a present
for me..
She didn't even say "Good Morning", Let alone any "Happy Birthday".
I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. Maybe the children will remember". The children came in to breakfast and
didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent
As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said "Good morning boss, Happy Birthday".
So I felt a little better; someone had remembered I worked until noon. Then Janet knocked on my door and
said "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday let's go to lunch, just you and me."
I said "By George that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go.."
We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go. We went out into the country to a little private
place, We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously...
On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day We don't need to go back to the office,
do we???"
I said, "No, I guess not" . She said, "Let's go to my apartment". After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if
you don't mind I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable..."
Sure, "I excitedly replied". She went into the bedroom and, In about six minutes, she came out carrying a big
birthday cake followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends...
All were singing " Happy Birthday"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And there on the couch I sat... Naked.....
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