MOST FAMOUS MAN WHO EVER LIVED

One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $20 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."

An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Alan, that's not correct."

Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.

Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jayant, come up here and I'll give you the $20."

As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, "You know Jayant, since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Jayant replied, "Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is business!"

GREAT COMPANIES & THEIR NAMES

Mercedes:This was actually financier's daughter's name.

Adobe: This came from the name of the river Adobe Creek that ran behind the house of founder John Warnock.

Apple Computers: It was the favourite fruit of founder Steve Jobbs.He was three months late for filing a name for the business, and he threatened to call his company Apple Computers if the other colleagues didn't suggest a better name by 5 0'clock.

CISCO: It is not an acronym as popuraily believed.Its short for San Francisco.

Compaq: This name was formed by using COMP, for computer and PAQ to denote a small integral object.

Corel: The name was derived from the founder's name Dr. Michael Cowpland. It stands for COwpland Research Laboratory.

Google: The name started as a joke boasting about the amount of information the search-engine would be able to search. It was originally named 'Googol', a word for the number represented by 1 followed by 100 zeros. After founders - Stanford graduate students Sergey Brin and Larry Page presented their project to an angel investor; they received a cheque made out to 'Google'.

Hotmail: Founder Jack Smith got the idea of accessing e-mail via the web from a computer anywhere in the world. When Sabeer Bhatia came up with the business plan for the mail service, he tried all kinds of names ending in 'mail' and finally settled for hotmail as it included the letters "html" - the programming language used to write web pages. It was initially referred to as HoTMaiL with selective uppercasing.

Hewlett Packard : Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard tossed a coin to decide whether the company they founded would be called Hewlett-Packard or Packard-Hewlett.

Intel: Bob Noyce and Gordon Moore wanted to name their new company 'Moore Noyce' but that was already trademarked by a hotel chain so they had to settle for an acronym of INTegrated ELectronics.

Lotus (Notes) : Mitch Kapor got the name for his company from 'The Lotus Position' or 'Padmasana'. Kapor used to be a teacher of ranscendental Meditation of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.

Microsoft: Coined by Bill Gates to represent the company that was devoted to MICROcomputer SOFTware. Originally christened Micro-Soft, the '-' was removed later on.

Motorola: Founder Paul Galvin came up with this name when his company started manufacturing radios for cars. The popular radio company at the time was called Victrola.

ORACLE: Larry Ellison and Bob Oats were working on a consulting project for the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency). The code name for the project was called Oracle (the CIA saw this as the system to give answers to all questions or something such). The project was designed to help use the newly written SQL code by IBM. The project eventually was terminated but Larry and Bob decided to finish what they started and bring it to the world. They kept the name Oracle and created the RDBMS engine. Later they kept the same name for the company.

Sony: It originated from the Latin word 'sonus' meaning sound, and 'sonny' a slang used by Americans to refer to a bright youngster.

SUN : Founded by 4 Stanford University buddies, SUN is the acronym for Stanford University Network. Andreas Bechtolsheim built a microcomputer; Vinod Khosla recruited him and Scott McNealy to manufacture computers based on it, and Bill Joy to develop a UNIX-based OS for the computer.

Apache: It got its name because its founders got started by applying patches to code written for NCSA's httpd daemon. The result was 'A PAtCHy'server -- thus, the name Apache Jakarta (project from Apache): A project constituted by SUN and Apache to create a web server handling servlets and JSPs. Jakarta was name of the conference room at SUN where most of the meetings between SUN and Apache took place.

Tomcat: The servlet part of the Jakarta project. Tomcat was the code name for the JSDK 2.1 project inside SUN.

C: Dennis Ritchie improved on the B programming language and called it 'New B'.He later called it C. Earlier B was created by Ken Thompson as a revision of the Bon programming language (named after his wife Bonnie).

C++: Bjarne Stroustrup called his new language 'C with Classes' and then new C'. Because of which the original C began to be called 'old C' which was considered insulting to the C community. At this time Rick Mascitti suggested the name C++ as a successor to C.

GNU: A species of African antelope. Founder of the GNU project Richard Stallman liked the name because of the humor associated with its pronunciation and was also influenced by the children's song 'The Gnu Song' which is a song sung by a gnu. Also it fitted into the recursive acronym culture with 'GNU's Not Unix'.

Java: Originally called Oak by creator James Gosling, from the tree that stood outside his window, the programming team had to look for a substitute as there was no other language with the same name. Java was selected from a list of suggestions. It came from the name of the coffee that the programmers drank.

LG: Combination of two popular Korean brands Lucky and Goldstar.

Linux: Linus Torvalds originally used the Minix OS on his system which he replaced by his OS. Hence the working name was Linux (Linus' Minix). He thought the name to be too egotistical and planned to name it Freax(free + freak + x).His friend Ari Lemmke encouraged Linus to upload it to a network so it could be easily downloaded. Ari gave Linus a directory called linux on his FTP server, as he did not like the name Freax.(Linus' parents named himafter two-time Nobel Prize winner Linus Pauling) .

Mozilla: When Marc Andreesen, founder of Netscape, created a browser to replace Mosaic (also developed by him), it was named Mozilla (Mosaic-Killer, Godzilla).The marketing guys didn't like the name however and it was re-christened Netscape Navigator.

Red Hat: Company founder Marc Ewing was given the Cornell lacrosse team cap (with red and white stripes) while at college by his grandfather. He lost it and had to search for it desperately. The manual of the beta version of Red Hat Linux had an appeal to readers to return his Red Hat if found by anyone!

SAP: "Systems, Applications, Products in Data Processing", formed by 4 ex-IBM employees who used to work in the Systems/Applications/Projects group of IBM.

SCO (UNIX): From Santa Cruz Operation. The company's office was in Santa Cruz.

UNIX: When Bell Labs pulled out of MULTICS (MULTiplexed Information and Computing System), which was originally a joint Bell/GE/MIT project, Ken Thompson and Dennis Ritchie of Bell Labs wrote a simpler version of the OS.They needed the OS to run the game Space War which was compiled under MULTICS.It was called UNICS - UNIplexed operating and Computing System by Brian Kernighan. It was later shortened to UNIX.

Xerox: The inventor, Chestor Carlson, named his product trying to say `dry' (as it was dry copying, markedly different from the then prevailing wet copying).The Greek root `xer' means dry.

Yahoo!: The word was invented by Jonathan Swift and used in his book 'Gulliver's Travels'. It represents a person who is repulsive in appearance and action and is barely human. Yahoo! founders Jerry Yang and David Filo selected the name because they considered themselves yahoos.

3M: Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing Company started off by mining the material corundum used to make sandpaper.

WHAT U CAN AND WHAT U CAN'T

1) U can study and get any certificates. But u cannot get ur death certificate

2) U may have AIRTEL or BSNL connection but when u sneeze u ll say HUTCH

3) U can bcome an engineer if u study in engineering college. U cannot bcom a president if u studies in Presidency College

4) U can expect a BUS from a BUS stop ... u cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop

5) A mechanical engineer can bcom a mechanic but a software engineer cannot bcom a software

6) U can find tea in teacup. But cannot find world in world cup

7) U can find keys in Keyboard but u cannot find mother in motherboard.

HINGLISH TEACHER

A Schoolmaster from a remote rural area was transferred to a school in Bombay. He reported for duty two days before August 15 and, as was the practice in the school, was asked to address the assembly on Independence Day.

Here's his dynamite speech : Leddies and Gentulmens, Contemporaries, Children, "This is my first maiden speech. If small small mistakes get inside my speech, I ask pardon. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following reason.Too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. The clerk rejected to give ticket. I put complaint on station master. He said me to go to lady clerk. At first she also rejected. With great difficulty she gave a birth only to my son. Anyway I thanked the station master because he was responsible for getting birth of my son.

We got independent because of great leaders like Gandhiji who get-outted all angrezi peoples from India. Tilak said Swaraj is our birth-rate and we shall halve it. Today we all halve our birth-rate. You children are future dynamic generators of the Nation. Look into future time only. No backside looking, or looking at your behind. Be like great like X' raj Ranjan of Germany or Presidents like Loosebelt.

You know genius, no? It is one per cent perspiration and ninety seven percent evaporation. They became great by reading great books. After we finish you here in the school, you can go to college and get B.A., M.A. and other decrease. Then you can become great liars in the supreme courts, shattered accountants, or leacherers in college.

The school is like a garden. You are the seeds, school is the soil. We will bury you in this soil, pour water of knowledge on your heads and one day will become great phools. Many vacancy job come in newspapers. Only yesterday I saw in paper "Wanted for refuted engineering firm: Generators, highpower condensors" so and so forth, etc. These jobs may be teknickel, but you can rise. If you have flare in
English, you can become teacher.

I am now ending this fastly. My God blast you! Thank you and thank God I am finished. Joy Hind!"

 

SIMPLY WITTY

1, What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."

2, The president of a large corporation opened his directors meeting by announcing, "All those who are opposed to the plan I am about to propose will reply by saying, 'I resign'

3, What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
The ones in the casinos are serious.

4, When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

5, A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
His father replied, "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine."

6, The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.
The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong.

7,Sunny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Sunny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls."
The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."

CONTRADICTING QUOTES

1, Actions speak louder than words./The pen is mightier than the sword.

2, Look before you leap./ He who hesitates is lost.

3, Many hands make light work. (or) Two heads are better than one. / Too many cooks spoil the broth.

4, A silent man is a wise one. / A man without words is a man without thoughts..

5, Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. / Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

6, Clothes make the man. / Don't judge a book by its cover. (or) All that glitters is not gold.

7, Nothing ventured, nothing gained. / Better safe than sorry.

8, The bigger, the better. / The best things come in small packages.

9, Absence makes the heart grow fonder. / Out of sight, out of mind.

10, What will be, will be. / Life is what you make it.

11, Cross your bridges when you come to them. / Forewarned is forearmed.

12, What's good for the goose is good for the gander. / One man's meat is another man's poison.

13, With age comes wisdom. / Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings come all wise sayings.

14, The more, the merrier./ Two's company; three's a crowd.

15, The best things in life are free. / You get what you pay for.

16, It never rains, than it pours. / Lightning never strikes twice in the same place.

17, Better to ask the way than to go astray. / Ask no questions and hear no lies.

18, Never do evil, that good may come of it. / The end justifies the means.

19, Variety is the spice of life. / Don't change horses in the middle of a stream.

20, There is nothing permanent except change. / There is nothing new under the sun.

21, Never too old to learn. / You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

22, Everything comes to him who waits. / He who hesitates is lost

COMPLEX ENGLISH

English can be so complex to understand sometimes

Read the paragraph below ....and try to understand the meaning.

Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitously descended,sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure; Subsequently the second member of the team performed a self rotational translation oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member.

What do u think in simple English it translates to?

Jack and jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
and jill came tumbling after!!!

BEWARE OF KIDS

1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.

The teacher asked, ” What if Jonah went to hell?”

The little girl: replied, “Then you ask him”.

2. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher: paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”

3. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”

Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

4. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, She’s dead. ”

5. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.”

“Yes,” the class said.

“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”

A little fellow shouted, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”

6. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

“Take only ONE. God is watching.”

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

BEST SOLUTION TO A FROMULA

 

Man in Heaven....

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St.Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are the Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man. Pointing to one clock he asked, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St Peter responded. "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where is George W. Bush's clock?" asked the man.

"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."